An Open Letter To My Least Favorite Fantasy Football Trade Partner
Dynasty

An Open Letter To My Least Favorite Fantasy Football Trade Partner

Jake Trowbridge wrote an open letter to the fantasy football leaguemate who keeps sending bad trade offers. We all have that leaguemate.

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Hello,

It’s me. The guy you constantly send sh*tty trade offers to. 

First things first: Yes, I saw your offer sitting in my inbox. And no, there’s not a chance in hell I’m going to accept it. The only reason it’s still sitting out there is that I’m terrified I’ll accidentally fat finger it and click the “accept” button by accident. 

It’s bad. It’s so bad that I wanted to drop my phone into a vat of acid. And then throw that vat of acid into the biggest canyon I can find. Just to make sure that trade is completely destroyed.

But I’m not actually here to talk about that.

Open Letter to Discourage Bad Fantasy Football Trade Offers

Look, this is a little awkward. But I have a few things I need to get off my chest before we start another fantasy football season together.

I know we don’t often see eye to eye. And sure, that’s because you overvalue every player on your roster and wildly undervalue everyone on mine. I don’t know why you think that any third string tight end on your team is worth their weight in rookie draft picks, while any starting quarterback on my team is only worth a few bucks of FAAB.

Maybe it’s because you weren’t held enough as a child. Maybe you just like picturing the vein popping out on my forehead when I open your offers. I dunno.

Whatever the reason, I don’t care. I’m willing to put it all behind us and turn over a new leaf. I want this to be a fresh start for our trading relationship.

Because I think … we need each other. I don’t like admitting that any more than you like reading it. But it’s true.

There are only a handful of other people in this league of ours. And a couple of them haven’t made a trade since Le’Veon Bell was in the league. So I must admit, that’s one thing I appreciate about you. You’re active. And regardless of the quality of your offers, that’s better than the alternative.

I want to keep the trade pipeline open between us. So I’m willing to let the past be the past and move forward. 

I’ll stop bringing up that time you offered me Ameer Abdullah for Jonathan Taylor straight up. I won’t utter another word about that time you said you’d “give up a ton” to get Josh Allen on your roster, and then offered me two players who recently signed up for AARP memberships. Heck, I’ll even forgive you for trying to unload Andrew Luck on me the day he retired. 

And, most importantly, I promise not to air any more of our dirty laundry in the league chat. Calling out your terrible trade offers to the group always feels good in the moment, but I admit it probably doesn’t help our relationship.

I have only a few small requests in return.

Request No. 1: Please stop sending me “exploding” offers that expire within the hour. I know you think this creates a sense of urgency, and that will encourage me to accept it, lest I miss out on this “opportunity of a lifetime.” But it’s just annoying. I don’t need a dramatic countdown. Who am I, MacGruber? Whenever I see that little timer next to the trade it’s pretty much an auto-reject for me, dawg.

Request No. 2: Please stop sending me screenshots of trade calculators that “prove” your trade offer is fair. You might as well key the numbers “80085” into an old school calculator and send me a picture of THAT. (Don’t act like you didn’t do this in middle school.) It would be equally effective. I make the decisions for my team and won’t be coerced into a trade by a computer program.

Request No. 3: Please stop sending me guys that you were very clearly just about to drop. What, you think I just can’t WAIT to roster Drew Sample? For the honor of sending you a third-round pick? It’s like pulling up alongside someone at a stop light, throwing a fast food wrapper in their open window, and then asking them for a fiver. It’s simply not how business is done!

There. I’ve said my piece.

I hope it resonates with you. I hope it clears the air and makes us productive trade partners moving forward. And I hope the next time I find one of your trade offers in my inbox, it sparks joy instead of dangerous amounts of contempt.

Because if I ever encounter another one of your signature “10 dimes for a dollar” trades … I will burn this league to the ground.

Sincerely,

The guy who only sends excellent trades.

Players Mentioned in this Article

  1. Jonathan Taylor
    JonathanTaylor
    RBINDIND
    PPG
    19.7
    Proj
    16.1
  2. Josh Allen
    JoshAllen
    QBBUFBUF
    PPG
    23.2
    Proj
    19.5

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